My Head Is Full

My head is full. As the school year comes to a close, it gets hijacked by so many details, emotions and thoughts that seem endless yet swirl into each other like a spinning top that eventually stops a bit farther than expected. I have to literally catch up with my own train of thought to remember just where I was heading in the first place.

Confused…you should be. I have committed our kids to four schools in the Fall and the paperwork is coming in fast. Upon asking one son if he’s excited about going to a new school, he replied, “No, not really. My mom is making me.” I am making him for what I pray are all the right reasons. And my eldest is off to high school, which in America is a really big deal. Like secondary school in England, high school is where all the action starts. Girls get catapulted into maturity by being surrounded by older boys, and boys, well they get pimples.

My other two sons are staying put, also for good reasons. Husband takes off for a job at the end of summer just when the first carpool begins which adds stress to the mess in my head. We all make these grand decisions for the future and then poof, here you are, living them. My heart races today. I wish I could catch my breath.

We have just arrived back from a crazy, steamy time in New York. The steam was literal; it was 90 degrees and humid and hot and sticky. The agenda was mixed between showing the boys the delights of this great city for the first time along with visiting with their grandfather and partner who met us half way from England. Who would have ever thought that New York would be another half-way home for us. Everyone’s jet lag was different, along with everyone’s needs, but somehow we got there. Exhausted but fulfilling. We stayed with my brother in law and fab wife who found that there can be peace in the chaos of four boys. I walk through life forgetting how insane the sight of my clan looks to most who have to host us, but they had enough humour to see them through and the boys loved them so.

Little one tells of his favourite NY moment of seeing the Statue of Liberty. He said to his teacher that the Statue fell into the water and the guy who made it left American and then slowly, slowly a new builder saw the torch’s flame from under the water and pulled it up and put it on an island for all the people to see. They faced it towards his old home, Europe. Well!!! I say…if anyone argues with that I’d tell them that they didn’t listen to the audio tape closely enough!

Husband came to New York to be with all of us for two days and left in the wee hours of the morning on our final day. I awoke to an empty bed and an empty feeling. I know that this is the start of time apart from each other, all for good reason and nothing to complain about, but the heart aches still. Now, back in LA we are world’s apart as he sits in London eight hours ahead. He is in our home, I the other home. Both feel at home. Both could transport to the other home and feel secure there. Our weird, weird world drawing circles again around each other. I just wish there wasn’t the disconnect that invariably happens with a long distance conversation. It’s the beginning of this stage so I vow to try and text him, send him silly messages, go back to that place where seeing a letter, note, email or message from him makes my whole day. And be at home, wherever we may be.

About Jennifer

Jennifer is from Beverly Hills and has lived between London and LA since 1994. She's been a writer for over 20 years in the world of film, tv, travel and magazines and has been a class rep eight times and counting... She has just completed her first novel, Venerdi.
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